some crazy-infused ‘religious’ websites

now, i’m certainly no expert on religion. i am, however, a goddamn certified expert on crazy if i ever knew one (which i don’t). i have worked in the customer service sector for nearly 10 years (i think have to shoot myself now after reading that) and have seen the gamut of crazy asses. there is so much material to write about the different types of crazy that i have encountered, but that is not the point right now. the point right now is to bring to the light some fuckin batshit crazy websites that people put on the net, and we all know that religious zealots are probably the damn near craziest people out there.

the sad part of this is that for every crazy site that one can find there’s about 10,000 others that won’t get the attention and laughter that we deserve as viewers. these ‘authors’ put their hilarious and sometimes pretty damn scary points of view on the internet in an attempt to garner attention for themselves and many to times to proclaim their ‘genius’ and/or radical (read weird/perverse/sick/twisted/demented/asinine) ideas and beliefs. here’s just a few that i have found and hopefully as time goes on i will add some more and some of should too. here it goes:

scientology

yeah, i know. big. fuckin. surprise. scientologists are crazy. the thing is though, it’s so obvious that i would pretty stupid for not including them. besides, any chance to make some cheap shots at scientology is a chance that i just can’t pass up.

the worst thing about going to the scientology home page is that my computer starts to heat up due to crazy that is being broadcast through it. and since i’m using a laptop, now i have to worry about the computer on my lap burning my balls and killing all my penis pudding.

these guys claim to be “…the most vital movement on earth today” and to have all the answers to everything from war to insanity and drug addiction. apparently google knows how crazy these guys are because when you search scientology, wikipedia comes up instead of them. the funny thing about all this is that since i’m talking about scientology, google, in its infinite wisdom, is probably going to display and for scientology on this site right next to this. wouldn’t that be ironic? next!

(note: i removed the link to the scientology website due to my fear that they will find and lobotomize me. if you really want to go there it’s scientology [dot] org).

time cube

at first this sounds like a weird, freaky, and probably lame science fiction movie. but alas it is not. it is rather just some crazy-ass fuck trying to spread his disease infected beliefs amongst the world. they are pretty hilarious though. this guy, ‘dr.’ gene ray claims that

…the 12 hour or 1/2 day clock is an intended evil against humanity – indicting every human on earth as dumb, educated stupid, and evil -for imaginary cubed earth has 4 days within simultaneous rotation. one god would equal a god dunce as humans evolve from children.

did you follow that? yeah, neither did i. he proposes that basically everything is evil, but he does so in a incoherent and awkward manner, kinda like a 4 year old would speak. he claims god is evil, americans are evil, academia is evil, and uh, oh yeah, blacks are evil as well. he also asks deep thought-provoking questions such as “did god have a belly button?” that’s up there with homer’s “can jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it?” the crazy spewing from this man’s fingers could go on forever.

flat earth society

now, i’m not sure if these guys are a religious group or if this just stems from religious beliefs, but either way you look at it, it’s still nuts. these people believe the 15th century notion of the earth being flat is in fact correct and that christopher columbus (or grigori efimovich as they call him) used

“…an elaborate setup involving hundreds of mirrors and a few burlap sacks, he was able to create an illusion so convincing that it was actually believed he had sailed around the entire planet and landed in the West Indies.”

i guess chris columbus had the wrong career. he should’ve been doing shows in vegas instead of trying to rape, pillage, murder, and enslave millions for his own benefit. damn, it’s so obvious. i can’t believe i didn’t see it before. thank you god. i don’t know what i would’ve done without the flat earth society. now my life is complete.

probably the best reading on their site is the ‘proof’ they offer for the earth being flat is found here. they claim that if the earth is round, then how come we don’t fall off like if you poured sand on a beach ball? yeah, i guess that makes sense, if you also believe that looney toons is a nature documentary. here’s one of their forums. they get so much shit from people that they actually made a forum for people to insult them.

you wanna know the really crazy part about this society? people knew that the earth wasn’t flat when christopher columbus, excuse me, grigori efimovich, set sail. it was only the uneducated masses that didn’t know. they were too busy trying to eat and, you know, not die to care if the world was flat or not. these guys have only come around recently, contrary to what they would have you believe.

exposing satanism, witchcraft, and the new world order

this one is kind of a warm and fuzzy type of crazy. according to these guys, pretty much anything that you can think of that you like/enjoy/know about is a part of satanism. some of them are not surprising such as: obama (pretty much every modern president has been claimed to be a part of satanism); harry potter; banks; gays; scientologists (if the crazies think that you’re crazy, you must be really nuts); etc. some, however, are rather surprising.

easter, christmas, and even the bible itself are all tools of satan. ok, so i might be exaggerating a little. this person says that only the authorized king james version is not corrupted or satanic. but really, easter? christmas? if you’ve read the ‘da vinci code’ or ‘angles and demons’ then it is pretty damn obvious that these are in all actuality pagan holidays, because dan brown wouldn’t lie to us, would he? seriously though, they are pagan holidays.

they were adopted by christianity in order to help ease those pesky pagan heathens into christianity. it’s actually a fairly regular occurrence of religion, to adopt the religious symbols and holidays of the people that are being converted to the new religion. and christianity is no exception. according to that ‘zeitgeist’ movie, christianity also adopted the halos from the religion of the ancient egyptians and also that gray-bearded depiction of god from the greeks. and again, film makers would never lie to us or stretch the truth to their own favor, right? same thing with that satanism website, right?

let’s go back to the scientologists (funny how it always comes back to them when talking about crazy). take a look at their symbol, look familiar? got a crazy website you wanna let people know about? put it in the comments!