ah, good ‘ol amazon.com. where would be without you? i really don’t know and am quite scared to think about it. i mean, where else could we get inflatable sheep and self-administered gastric bypass kits all in the same place? huh? yeah.
like ebay, amazon as attracted all kinds of people with all kinds of, uh, tastes. some good, mostly not.
granny tattoos
have you taken a look at your grandmother recently? she looks old and boring. she needs something to spice her looks up a bit. how about a tattoo? worried that her thin wrinkled skin will be torn apart by the needle of a tattoo?
have no fear because now there’s a solution! blue q has come up with the original “tattoos for the elderly”. now grandma doesn’t have to look like a sweet old lady anymore. after a few of these bad boys and change of wardrobe, she’ll be able to roll with the most hardcore of biker gangs. watch out because her comes chain wielding biker gang tattooed granny!
also comes in pregnancy and babies
instant irish accent mouth spray
have you been watching those irish spring commercials with extreme jealousy wishing that you too could talk like a leprechaun? accents arenít your fortÈ? no worries mate! now you too can sound like you kissed the blarney stone with the “instant irish accent mouth spray” by none other than blue q.
according to the packaging, the mouth spray “activates invisible language receptors in the mouth” that induces a colin farrell inspired verbalization that will not only impress the ladies, but will also make you sound much more interesting than you really are!
foreign sounding people are interesting and now you can be too!
inflatable sheep
tired of being alone? tired of being of being with inflatable women? or, perhaps you’re just tired of being kicked in the balls while trying to court your ruminant lover? don’t worry because amazon has a product for you!
introducing the “inflatable party sheep” by loftus novelty & magic!
don’t worry boys and girls, it’s washable!
home gastric bypass kit
has it been years since you’ve left your house/sofa/bed/parent’s basement? have you been sitting in the same place for so long that your ass has chemically bonded to your couch or bed? if so, do we have the solution for you!
this do-it-yourself home “gastric bypass kit” by us family medical offers the promise of weight loss surgery for a fraction of the price. just make sure to get yourself some anesthetic or else you might pass out from the pain and die from acute blood loss.
surgical implements not included
besides losing all that unsightly weight, you acquire the skill of performing dangerous surgery! now you too will be able to perform laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery on your friends, family, and co-workers all for a profit. just check out what this reviewer had to say:
or what this reviewer had to say:
sea-monkey wrist aquarium
do you like sea-monkeys? do you like wrist watches? well this product takes the best of both these products to make an amazing accessory that you can “parade about town or school with your sea-monkey pets on your wrist, just like a wristwatch!” check it out:
the shenis female reusable urine director
this one is for the ladies out there. do you have penis envy? are jealous when you go out to the lake and the guys are able to whip it out anywhere just pee freely? hate having to pop-a-squat?
bornredi distributions llc has the product to stick it to the guys (literally!) and to put an end to that penis envy (for you at least!). the “shenis female reusable urine director” is:
- perfect for women boaters who need to go!
- twelve inches long to reach over the side of the boat.
- reusable and easy to clean.
- for women who wish to tease the men with the longest tool around.
- women who need a gift for the bachelorette party.
turn that penis envy into shenis envy!
ladies, please remember that although tom cruise taught us in “magnolia” to “respect the cock!” and to “tame the cunt!” that this is not a fucktoy and not intended to anally rape drunken men at frat parties. [up0date: unfortunately this product is no longer offered. : ( ]
poop freeze aerosol freeze spray
tired of picking up hot steaming piles of dog shit after your dog that is commonly mistaken for a horse?
have no fear because “poop freeze aerosol freeze spray” is here! here’s how it works:
1. dog takes shit.
2. get trusty poop freeze aerosol freeze spray.
3. use poop freeze aerosol freeze spray on said dog excrement.
4. pick up frozen pile of dog excrement.
5. throw away frozen pile of dog excrement.
it’s that simple!
uranium ore: industrial & scientific
ever wanted to create a dirty bomb but just couldn’t find high grade uranium? well now you’re in luck! images si inc. is bringing directly to your house all the uranium you could use for your radioactive needs one small canister at a time. turn your backyard into your very own chernobyl!
